The Burlingames

Chronicling the adventures of the B's

Category: Family

June 28, 2011

2 weeks

by Megan

In 2 weeks is Eli’s 3rd (and God willing – last) open-heart surgery. I have a lot of mixed emotions regarding his surgery and preparing for it. Part of me is just looking forward to getting it done and having it over with and the other part of me is completely dreading the entire thing.

My feelings…

– Scared: there are so many unknowns right now – how quickly is he going to recover, is he going to survive, are there going to be any complications (during or after), etc.

– Overwhelmed: I’ve been busy getting childcare lined up for Noah so he doesn’t have to spend his days (and nights) at the hospital (I want him there for part of the time but I also want him to get out for part of the time) and so Dave and I can spend our time at the hospital with Eli. There is just so much to prepare for because of the number of people who will be caring for him (thank you to all those by the way). I need to have clothes, diapers, wipes, breast milk/formula, food, etc. packed up and ready to go for each individual watching him (so far its 3 people but might be more)  before I leave for Eli’s surgery.

– Sad: my mom won’t be there to help me. She was going to stay with us and care for Noah so we could focus on Eli. I’m sad that she won’t be there to give me hugs and support.

– Nervous: I’m nervous about how everything will go – Eli and his surgery and Noah and his care (I’m confident in the care but I’m nervous how he will behave, he’s a good baby for us so I’m hoping he’ll be a good baby for others).

–  Dread: I’m just dreading the whole thing. I don’t want Eli to have surgery. I don’t want to find people to take Noah. I don’t want to do anything except stay home with my boys.

We covet your prayers for Eli, Noah, us, the nurses, the doctors and those watching Noah.

  • Eli – his recovery (that it be speedy), his ability to listen to his body and rest and his overall attitude (it would be nice of he stayed in good spirits)
  • Noah – he’ll be carted around from place to place during our hospital stay. Pray that he’ll adapt well and continue to be the happy little baby that he generally is.
  • Dave and I – that we can lean on each other and be supportive and encouraging. Pray for our mental health, our hearts and our attitudes.
  • Dr. Moga (surgeon) and Dr. Rios (pediatric cardiologist) – wisdom, strength, patience and understanding
  • The nurses – wisdom, patience with Eli and us, the ‘right’ words to say to us and understanding
  • Noah’s childcare providers – patience with my baby boy, understanding for any crabbiness he may display, lots and lots of love and flexibility

I know there is a lot more going through my head, but I’m struggling getting it out in words.

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June 15, 2011

7 months & 9 months

by Megan

The 15th of each month will always mark a day of joy and sorrow.

My heart is joyful when I think of my sweet little boy who was born on November 15th. Noah brings a smile to my face each time I see him. He is such a smiley joyful little man. Such a sweetheart. Noah Daniel is 7 months old today!! Happy 7 months birthday Noah!!

Today marks 9 months since my sweet Mom was taken from this world (Sept. 15th). She now resides in the best place ever, heaven. I know she is happy and full of joy, but she is missed so much. I miss my Momma. I miss talking to her. I miss her advice, ideas, suggestions, etc. I miss her hugs. As much as it annoyed me, I even miss her saying, “blah, blah, blah, blah!”. :) Momma – I miss you greatly. I love you dearly.

This picture was taken the day we told Brianna that I was pregnant with Eli. I was 9 weeks pregnant at the time.

 

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June 14, 2011

Summer vacation officially started today!!!

by Megan

Yep, its official. I’m on summer vacation until August. Whoohoo!! I’m very much looking forward to having some time off to be with my boys, get some much-needed projects done and spend some time focusing on me. I have a list of projects about a mile long! On a sheet of paper I have the names of each room (Eli’s bedroom, our bedroom, bathroom, etc.) and a list of things I need/want to do in each room. The list ranges from cleaning to hanging pictures on the wall. We’ve been in our house for nearly 2 years and there are still no pictures on the wall. Well, I’m changing all that this summer. I’m hoping I can make a major dent in my lists.

Quick updates on all of us…

Dave is busy playing softball each week, buying/selling music gear (he currently owns 5, yes 5 bass guitars), doing some work on the house, playing his bass(es) and lovin’ on his family. He’s a very busy man but seems to enjoy it. We’ve been dreaming up ideas for our house and landscape ideas for the yard. Lots of ideas, just saving our pennies to get it done.

Eli is talking a mile-a-minute. His vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds. We love listening to him talk and talk and talk!! He loves to play with his cars and trains, scare Noah (he giggles the whole time) and be ‘helpful’ around the house. He is becoming very independent and wants to do lots of things by himself. We have been encouraging the potty training ordeal, but he is uninterested. Maybe in a few more months. Here is a picture of my growing boy, I can’t believe he is already 2.5 years old. Eli is scheduled to have his 3rd open-heart surgery on Tuesday, July 12th.

Noah is busy growing and becoming a porker!! He is now a master at rolling around on the floor. He’s getting better at learning to sit up. He loves to play with his toys. Noah has discovered his voice and babbles a mile-a-minute just like his brother. They can be found having ‘conversations’ together, lots of giggling! Noah is learning to crawl, he’s not quite there but he can army crawl and scooch around on the floor. Lynn, our daycare provider, said he is a man with a mission at her house (he chases the dog). :) Noah is also becoming quite the eater, he will eat just about anything put in front of him without much fuss. He recently started eating broken down goldfish and loves them.

I’ve been busy doing some cleaning and organizing. Today I’m feeling a bit under the weather and spent the day resting. I hope to be ‘back at it’ tomorrow (with moderation, don’t want to over do myself). I’ve been enjoying my snuggles and loves with my boys (all three of them). I’ve been busy scrapbooking and crocheting. Dave and I’ve been making plans for the yard and inside of the house. I’m starting to do some online shopping for house stuff – time to decorate!!!

My sweet baby boys!!

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April 25, 2011

Heart Cath

by Megan

Today Eli had his heart catheterization. A heart catheterization is “the threading of a catheter (tube) through either a vein or artery into the heart. The heart catheterization is used to diagnose problems with the blood flow and structure of the heart, or to open or close certain heart structures.” *Courtesy of Children’s Heart Clinic. Today they went through Eli’s vein. During the last heart cath (at age 5 months), they had inserted several coils. The coils cut off blood flow through certain veins in an effort to reroute some blood work.

He was sedated for the entire procedure and very upset and frustrated as he was waking up. I started out holding him as he was waking up, shortly after Dave entered the room (after I had struggled to keep him calm and relaxed) he wanted Dave to hold him and promptly fell back asleep. Upon waking up again, Eli wanted various people in and out of the room (Dave’s parents – Charlie and Kathy were there as well). He was able to eat and drink, he did not throw up (which was very good). He stayed calm and still for the next few hours and watched the movie ‘Cars’. Before we could go home, the doctors and nurses wanted to see him up and moving around. He got up and played for a little bit. As we were packing up to go home, he started perking up and was getting excited to go home. However, he did NOT like having the bandages pulled off. Now we just need to make sure the cath site doesn’t burst (blood shooting out) for the next few days, then we can resume all normal activities.

The doctors were very pleased with how his heart and blood vessels were working. They did say his heart valve is still leaking, but they were not concerned about it. Dr. Rios said he was ‘good to go’ for the last surgery. They will be calling us soon to schedule the last surgery.

We were given a tour of new heart unit at Children’s in Minneapolis. It was absolutely gorgeous!! For his previous two surgeries we started out in the pre-surgical area, then moved to the PICU (after surgery) and finally moved to the IMC before discharge. Now, everything is on the 4th floor. Eli would have his own room, instead of being in the bay with the high traffic area just across from his bed. Each room has either a 1/2 bathroom or full bathroom (super nice), a pull out bed, several chairs for sitting in, TONS of space for moving around, locked storage units and so much more. It was absolutely amazing, such a HUGE transformation from what it had been. We also saw the Ronald McDonald House that is now housed within the hospital (3rd floor). We will be able to stay there overnight if need be, we can get our meals there, sit and relax in the huge common area and socialize with other families with children in the hospital. We also found out that since I’m nursing Noah, we’ll be able to get a meal voucher card for the week. This is a big deal, it takes away a huge expense of purchasing food for the duration of the hospital stay. The only expense we’ll have for the week is parking (very thankfully my insurance will cover the entire cost of his surgery and recovery).

I struggled emotionally today. My baby was hurting and he didn’t want me and my Mom wasn’t there to comfort and support me, her baby. I was missing Mom so much today and wished she could’ve been there or available via the phone to talk. I’m going to miss her this summer when we do his final surgery. She was going to stay with us during Eli’s hospital stay and help with Noah and taking turns being at the hospital with Eli. Ugh, sometimes death really sucks.

* Courtesy of Children’s Heart Clinic.

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April 7, 2011

I’m doing & Shock

by Megan

I had stumbled across a blog of a woman whose baby girl was stillborn at 39 weeks. I spent hours reading as she shared her grief journey. I was just in awe of her raw emotion and how well she was able to put what she was feeling into words. Most days, when asked, I cannot put my emotions into words. More often than not, my response to “how are you doing” is “I’m doing”. I’m doing the best I know how right now. I’m doing alright. I’m doing what’s expected of me (I think). I’m doing…

I’ve also heard that year one is typically the year of shock and year two is the year of feelings. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m finding this to be so true. Most days I’m still shocked that Mom is dead. I’m shocked that I’ll never see her again (I will, but not until I get to heaven). I’m shocked that my boys won’t get to grow up knowing their Gramma. I’m shocked that Dad won’t get to celebrate any more anniversaries with her. I’m shocked that she’ll never call me on the morning of my birthday to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me again. I’m shocked when I reach for my phone to call her and suddenly remember I can’t. I’m shocked that I don’t cry more than I do, part of me wants to cry all the time, but I can’t. I am still in so much shock that she is gone. It still does not feel real to me.

I miss my mom and everyday I wish she were here and not there. I know heaven is a great place, but it is a bit too far away.

Mom – please know that I love you so much and miss you everyday.

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