Joy and Sadness
Yesterday was a day of joy and sadness.
March 15th is Noah’s 4 month birthday!! Noah is officially 4 months old. He has brought us so much joy and laughter in these last 4 months. Noah’s smile is so contagious. When he smiles, you can’t help but smile too. He is also a cuddly, kissable chunk!! I love smothering his cheeks with kisses (the best part – he just sits there and takes it). Noah is quite the talker (he might be like his Uncle Nate – he never stops talking), constantly talking and telling us stories. A big milestone – Noah also rolled over (back to tummy) for the first time yesterday. Yay!!! We are so grateful and thankful to have such a sweet little (chunky) blessing in our life.
March 15th marked 6 months since my mom was tragically killed in a car accident. Some days it seems like it has been much longer than 6 months and other days it seems like it was just yesterday. I think about her each and every day. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile. One day the pain of her being gone will lessen but the hole will always be there. I LOVE looking at pictures of Mom. I hope to make either a scrapbook or another type of picture book of pictures of Mom. Something that I can sit down and look at when I’m missing her and cry or smile. Something I can show my boys one day and tell them about Gramma and how much she loved them. I had a thought the other day, it came up through a brief conversation, how do I say Mom died? Do I say she ‘passed away’ (which seems polite) or do I say she was ‘killed’ (which is true but also seems kind of harsh)? To me ‘passed away’ means it was expected, ie. from an illness or cancer. Mom didn’t ‘pass away’, it wasn’t expected. In fact, it was the complete opposite, it was very UNexpected. I guess I’ll continue with what I’ve been saying for the last 6 months, “she was tragically killed in a car accident”.
The 15th of each month will mark a ‘birthday’ and anniversary. Each month God will give me the strength to get through the day. One day the 15th will not bring sorrow to my heart, it will bring joy in knowing that Mom is now with the Creator of all things. It will bring joy in knowing that one day, I’ll be with her again. Right now the 15th is still a day of mixed feelings (joy and sorrow), but one day, I know it will just be joy.